Tuesday, 29 May 2007

Every Child – A Masterpiece

By A Daddy

Some time ago I had the privilege to present workshops for a certain well know organization. One of the people involved in my training for the workshops was a guy called Brad Sadler.

He was one of the best speakers I had ever heard. I was a little intimidated by the thought that I had to do presentation on the same topic as he did in weeks to come.

So after his presentation I said to him: Brad, my background is not as bad as yours. I’ve not done as many bad things as you have. I’ve not committed any crime that I ended up in prison for. I’ll have to use some of your stories during my presentations.

Brad didn’t even hear me. He just went on about how wonderful life was and nobody really cared too much about the stories. What they liked about him is that he gave them hope.

I went on to do the workshops and before most of these Brad would phone or send a sms or do some or other thing to encourage me.

And when my workshops went very well Brad was delighted and if it went very bad Brad was ecstatic. Whatever happened, Brad was overjoyed.

Gee, I haven’t spoken to him for more than a year. Hold the thought; I’m quickly going to phone him.



I’m back. I feel great. Obviously I’ll feel great. I’ve just spoken to Brad.

Now, you might wonder why I’m telling you this.

I’m telling you because Brad is an exhorter. He is what one might call vintage exhorter. One of the best I’ve seen. Definitely the best I have personally met. I have a daughter that is a little like that. Always ready to encourage everyone.

And that’s great, but we are all different.

I’m not saying we should not all encourage each other. I’m just saying – We are all different!

Some are perceivers.
Some are servants.
Some are teachers.
Some are exhorters.
Some are givers.
Some are administrators, and
Some love to give mercy.

Then again the perceivers, teachers, exhorters and administrators generally love to express themselves with words and the servants, givers and mercy people love to express themselves with deeds.

So if you have a little teacher in your home, you might struggle to get his mouth shut. But if you have a little servant, you might struggle to get his mouth open.

Many people do not understand this and then they think there is something wrong if a child either doesn’t talk or talks too much.

But that’s not the only place where people are different.

We also have different ways to remember things – Some remember visually, some auditory, some kinesthetically and some tactile.

Then we all also interact with information differently – Some are analytical and some are global.

Wait, there’s more – Howard Gardner came up with the concept of Multiple Intelligences. That is really just different ways people are smart. Just seven of the ways you can be brilliant is as follows – Linguistic, Logical-Mathematical, Spatial, Musical, Bodily-Kinesthetic, Interpersonal and intrapersonal.

And then we also have different thinking preferences. That has to do with your left and right brain.

And as if that’s not enough people also have different dominance profiles. That means they have dominant eyes, ears, hands, feet and so on. And depending on your dominance, you will have a different style.

And by the way, everyone then likes to do things at different times of the day, at different temparatures with different shades of light. It just goes on and on.

Right, I’ll stop now. Although there are probably thousands of other differences and unique little things about every individual which no one even knows about yet, I think I have made the point.
Every individual is a work of art and can be a spectacular success.

So please don’t be discouraged or overwhelmed. I didn’t say this to confuse you or frustrate you. I told you the above for one reason and one reason only.

Every child is a masterpiece. And your little masterpiece has a role to play and a place to fit.

And there is no way that anyone can give you a quick model answer on how to train up your child. And don’t ever dare to compare your child with any other child.

It takes wisdom, time, patience and perseverance and probably a few other attributes in that category to get the answer and complete the marathon.

So keep on. If you struggle, ask for help. Don’t give up. Don’t worry. Don’t try to be perfect – But definitely be real.

And always remember – “You were born an original, don’t die a copy.”

Monday, 28 May 2007

New Writer Intro

frog small From the Editor’s Desk

I would like to introduce a writer who has graciously agreed to share some of his work with us. He prefers to simply refer to himself as 'A Daddy', I have thoroughly enjoyed his writing and am sure you will all too. Look out for his writing in the very near future.

This is a brief bio he sent me of himself:
"I qualified as a Chartered Accountant in 1997. Currently I have my own business – I assist insurance companies with tax, I present workshops on home education (haven’t recently though), I am a brain practitioner, i.e. I do brain profiles and help parents understand themselves and their children better, or help other people who have lost their passion in life. I write articles, mainly on education and to parents, wherein I like to challenge popular thinking, which in most cases are no thinking at all. I study logic and try to base everything I say and do on the Word. I am also an ulconsiologist, WAM and MAP.
That’s me.
My wife is Marie, who with her gift of mercy brings a lot of balance to our household..
We have three children:
Adelene (10), who is a very strong perceiver with a left brain preference.
Natania (7) who is an exhorter with a right brain preferenece.
Christiaan (5) who is a compassion person with a right brain preference.
We expect Migael to arrive on 07-07-07
"

Sunday, 27 May 2007

South African Homeschool curriculum

by Wendy Young

Part of being a parent is ensuring that your children get the best education that you can give them. For some it means private schools, others may prefer a Christian school, but in South Africa there is a huge growing community of homeschoolers. www.south-african-homeschool-curriculum.com helps this community to raise their children according to Godly standards, get organized in your home, develop long lasting relationships with knowledge and offers you a wonderful literature based curriculum, Footprints On Our Land, to use with your children. Footprints On Our Land gives you a magnificent arm chair journey through South Africa and its history, stopping to discover the geography and people of this land. There are three programs - Little Footprints (Ages 4 -8), South Africa's Heritage (Ages 7 - 12) and Footprints into the 21st Century (Ages 12 - 16). Shirley and Wendy, owners of www.south-african-homeschool-curriculum.com , also have a FREE monthly encouragement E-zine for homeschool families. Be sure to visit.

Friday, 25 May 2007

See Dr Aletha Solter on TV

frog smallFrom the Editor’s Desk


Finally something worth watching on TV!!
E-tv's television program GREAT EXPECTATIONS will air a live interview with Dr. Aletha Solter Monday, 28 May 2007, from 11:30am-12:30pm.

If you were not able to attend Aletha's lectures but would have liked to, here's one last chance to hear her speak about raising children before she leaves South Africa.

Dr Solter is a Swiss American developmental psychologist, international speaker, consultant and author of four books (The Aware Baby, Helping Young Children Flourish, Tears and Tantrums, Raising Drug-Free Kids)

The Aware Parenting Institute

Prayer request for a very sick little girl



Our Father who Art in Heaven
Please hear our prayers for Marinda
Lay Your healing hands upon her
and take away all the pain and illness
and make her well again
In Your name we ask that You
shall touch her with Your powers.

Amen








Hemelse Vader
Raak asseblied Marinda aan
Lê asseblief U hand van genesing op haar
en neem asseblief al die pyn weg
en maak haar gesond
In U Naam vra ons dat U haar
sal aanraak en ons dank U


Amen



Most people delete chain prayers but we ask you to please partake in this one, as this little girl is close to home and one of our own here in Eshowe.

Our sweet angel Marinda de Jager has been so ill, she was hositalised with broncital pneumonia at least a month ago, but has been struggling for longer, where her lungs were said to be badly damaged, she was in hospital for two weeks and was put on string of medication, but unfortuantely she was admitted back in hospital yesterday, she is battling to breathe, cant sleep and is not eating, she still has the bacteria, the antibioticts that she was taking has not helped and the doctors now need to try and work out what bacteria is in the system as to give her the right antibiotic, her lungs are full of holes and she is in pain. The doctors presume that she will have to take antibiotics for the rest of her life to help her lungs as the chances of healing is virually nil.

All we as a family ask is that you please add her to your prayers and thoughts:

Thank you

Parents Karin, Deon and Morne de Jager
Ouma Barbara
Ronel, Mark,
Gerhard, Charmaine, Noelene and Tanye
Ouma Maddy Oupa Gert
Eugene, Denise, Charlene and Bridget


Meeste van die mense "delete" gewoonlik ketting gebede, maar ons vra dat julle asseblief net 'n oomblik van julle tyd afstaan op hierdie een want die kleine engeltjie is baie na aan ons harte en tuiste hier in Eshowe.

Kleine Marinda wil net nie gesond word nie, so 'n maand of wat gelede was sy in Umhlanga Hosipaal vir Brongiale brongietis, vir 2 weke, haar longe is so beskadig weens die brongietis, sy was op 'n reeks pille en ongelukkig het die medikasie nie gehelp nie, nou is sy weer terug in die hospitaal want sy kan nie asem kry nie, sy slaap nie en eet nie, en is in pyn, haar longe is so beskadig met gate dat sy lewenslank op antibiotikas gaan moet bly

Al wat ons as familie vra is dat julle asseblief haar in julle gebede en gedagte sal hou in julle besige dag.

Dankie

Ouers Karin, Deon and Morne de Jager
Ouma Barbara
Ronel, Mark,
Gerhard, Charmaine, Noelene and Tanye
Ouma Maddy Oupa Gert
Eugene Denise Charlene and Bridget

Cooking Kids

by Annie Austin

My 10yo son has decided to learn to cook; we have incorporated it into his homeschooling activities – after all what is cooking if not reading, maths and science all rolled into one.

Here is one of his favorite recipes, it is easy to make with some supervision and tasty enough for the whole family to eat. This Veggie Bolognese is enjoyed by everyone in our family from my 1 year old to the adults to the cats and dogs!!


My son now does most of the preparation himself (including cutting onions and putting the pasta into the boiling water, but you can let kids do as much or as little as they are up to doing – even just measuring some of the ingredients is a maths lesson)!

Veggie Bolognese Sauce and Pasta:

For the Sauce
1 cup red split peas
2 large carrots
2 sticks celery
1 onion
1 tbsp olive oil
500ml veggie stock
250ml tomato ‘sauce’
Salt to taste
Fresh parsley & oregano

I usually make my own stock and tomato sauce (see next entry) but this can be the store bought kind if you prefer. The carrots, celery and onion come straight from the garden as do the stock and tomato sauce ingredients.

Let the kids start by washing their hands and donning their aprons (look out for child size apron pattern soon!!). Then wash all the veggies, peel the onion, top and tail the carrots.

The veggies can now be either mixed or grated in a food processor – kids love this part and it is something even the little ones can safely do.

Heat the oil somewhat in a pan, remove the pan from the heat (I usually let my son put the pan on a heatproof pot holder on the table next to the stove) add all the veggies & herbs, mix well and return to heat.

Allow to cook for about 5 minutes until veggies are starting to soften.

Add the split peas, stock and tomato sauce, removing from heat before doing this – the reason I remove the pan from the heat each time is just an added safety measure for the kids. Mix all ingredients well and allow to cook for approximately 20 minutes, stirring from time to time. More stock can be added if necessary.

While the sauce is cooking, cook pasta of your choice to accompany this.
This is also great with a bit of percorino cheese on top.

Be sure to pop in again for more mouthwatering kid’s recipes!!



Quick and Easy Tomato Sauce Recipe

2kg tomatoes
1kg onions
1 house of garlic
3tbsp olive oil
Fresh parsley and either basil / thyme / oregano

Tomatoes can be blanched and peeled, but I generally omit this step unless I am using really tough skinned tomatoes.

Chop the onions and fry lightly in olive oil. Add the tomatoes and herbs mix well and allow to simmer for about 30 minutes until ingredients have cooked down and most of the liquid has evaporated. If you want a really chunky sauce, keep out about 500g tomatoes and add these in about half way through cooking.

The riper the tomatoes the tastier the sauce will be, and of course if you can grow your own organic tomatoes and leave them on the vine until really ripe all the better!! This recipe is a really great way to store and freeze excess tomatoes for the winter.

This sauce can be bottled and frozen – I use glass bottles – mainly as it is a good way to recycle them and also I try to avoid plastics as I just don’t trust that the chemicals will not leach out of them especially during freezing. If you are using glass, make sure to only put the lids on the jars after the contents have frozen to prevent the jars from cracking.

For Adults Only – the monsters that lurk…


From the Editor's Desk

I will be doing a regular Web-Site editorial of South African sites worthy of attention. This week we are featuring The Pedo-File.
This site run by Jacqui Thomas shares some frightening information, information all parents need to be aware of!!




The disclaimer on the site reads:
“Portions of this website may contain graphic images and text, which may offend and/or trigger sensitive viewers and are not recommended for viewing by persons under the age of 18. Viewer discretion is advised.”

WOW – makes one wonder what exactly will be found in the rest of the site? But as parents we owe it to our children to read the information, take in what is being shown, and do whatever it takes to protect them. As I write this my youngest is asleep here next to me, he is only a year old, the picture of innocence itself. I know I will do everything in my power to protect that innocence, including reading what may well be the most disturbing piece of information I have ever read.

Most parents live in complete ignorance of what is happening in today’s society, with internet access freely available in many homes we need to ask ourselves “What exactly are my children doing on-line and exactly what are they being exposed to?”

The site’s Introduction & Mission Statement states:
"My first introduction to the wonders of online communication was in approximately 1996, when I was first connected to the internet. It didn't take long though, before I was also introduced to the world of online predators. At the time, MSN Chatrooms were the "in thing" and, admittedly, I made some very good friends, in particular with one family in the United Kingdom. Jimmy and I have been communicating on and off since then and he has become an integral part of my life both online and off.

What disturbed me most about the chatrooms I frequented was the number of men (in particular, although women were soon to follow) who lurked in these chatrooms, only to make their presence known when a minor entered. As a chatter, I was constantly hit on by these men, who often became quite insistent within a minute or two and who I often had to put on "ignore" to enable my chats with friends. Ultimately, I opted to use MSN Instant Messenger to communicate with my friends, as it was easier and a more pleasant experience, due to the ease with which one could "block" contacts who made a nuisance of themselves.

Over the next few years, I volunteered my services as a chatroom monitor to a number of overseas organisations. Unfortunately, my own country (South Africa) had as yet not felt a need for such a service.

I then went on to study Psychology and Criminology part-time and for a number of years and I temporarily shelved the idea, until one day, while browsing the internet in search of information relating to my studies, I came across a group on the internet who call themselves
"Perverted-Justice" . I immediately registered an account with them, determined to find out everything I possibly could about starting a similar organisation in South Africa. They have proved themselves over and over in the United States and I can only hope that The Pedo-File will, one day, have a similar impact in South Africa. "

Really disturbing, read further…

"Self-appointed "Online Sexual Offences Monitor" drops a Bombshell. For just one moment, put yourself in this mother's shoes:
You've had a hard day at work, you've made supper, done homework, and settled your children down for the night. It's time to kick back and relax, so you sit down at your desk and log into your PC to check your mail. Little do you know that what is to follow, will not only enrage you, but will sicken you to the very core of your being.
You see that someone has logged into MSN and forgotten to log out again. Your curiosity gets the better of you and you click on the tab “Archived Messages”. What you're expecting to see is the idle banter of two young friends chatting, but what you see is something quite different.

You are reading an article written by a self-appointed “Online Sexual Offences Monitor”. Now before you go calling me a vigilante, read the following excerpts from a recent chat my underage persona had, and tell me that what I am doing is unnecessary or unjustified:

Read the conversation that took place here.

It seems to me that there must be a “Perv's Handbook” out there that all of these creeps read. The questions used to establish the true age of the minor with whom they are corresponding seem to be pre-written. And don't be fooled into thinking that they are only after teenagers or simple "roleplaying". I have had similar conversations under the persona of a 10 year old too. This particular chat was with someone overseas, but could just have easily been with a local. Sadly, the chats my persona has had with locals have been much more graphic and in several instances, the perv has tried to make arrangements to meet in person.

From recent news headlines, I see that there have been changes made to our Sexual Offences Bill and that there is a possibility that South Africa may soon have its own Sexual Offenders Register. Until then, as a parent of three minor children, I appeal to you: Be very aware.

Don't ever assume that your children could/would not become prey to this type of villain. It is out there. It is happening - whether you want to believe it or not.

All that stands between them and your children is YOU.

Be there for them. "

Please visit this site along with Pink Ladies for more information, you owe it to your kids; you owe it to yourself.

Pink Ladies whose primary occupation is the tracing and returning of missing / endangered children and adults, has also recently launched “Project Teen Talk” which offers an alternative secure, moderated message board & three chat rooms.

Pink Ladies will be featured in a future Web-Site Editorial.







Wednesday, 23 May 2007

Vandag was goed...

Afrikaans poem by Genie

Vandag was goed
Jy het gelag
En ek kon luister verby myself
Na die lig wat borrel in jou asem
Jy het na my gekyk
Asof ek buite jou staan
Op ‘n afstand wat dit moontlik maak
Vir jou om my te sien

Vir ‘n wyle staan ons so
Ek in my lewe jy in jou eerste paar winterskoene
Wat ons vroegdag saam ontdek het
En my hart maak ‘n deining
Teen die skemerkom
Wat opbou teen die horison
Ek rol my liefde uit teen die nag ‘n rooi tapyt
Vir ‘n klein prins
Om mee te vlieg

Jy gooi jou arms oop
En spat die oomblik uitmekaar
Jou lyf rank op in myne
En die nag breek oop in ‘n duisend liggies
Wat borrel in jou asem

Absolute Joy, Unbearable Loss

By Jacqui Thomas

My labour started at 7.15am in the morning and I slowly made my way to St Georges Hospital in Port Elizabeth. By 9.00am dilation was at 6.5cm and twin A had settled neatly into my pelvis, ready to be born, despite the fact that (purely for safety reasons) I had elected to have a caesarian section. A spinal block was administered and the girls were delivered by caesarian section at 10.15am and 10.16am respectively, weighing 2.4 and 2.6 kilograms (quite a healthy weight for twins). The operation itself was uneventful, both girls were 9/10 on their apgars and it took my Gynae/Obstetrician longer to close the incision than to deliver both my babies! By 11.30am I was tucked safely into bed and waiting for the spinal block to wear off so I could see my daughters and nurse them for the first time.

Once the spinal block had worn off and I was able to get around, I excitedly made my way to the nursery. As I reached the nursery doors, there were a number of tearful people milling around the entrance. Not one to interfere or make a scene, I made my way through them to collect my gorgeous daughters and wheel them back to my ward. As I wheeled their bassinet out of the nursery, a chilling silence fell over the people waiting outside and I sensed what I can only describe as a feeling of hostility. It was some 24 hours later that I learned that they were anxiously awaiting news on a relative's newborn, who was in the NICU. Apparently the little one was born with only a partial brain, and had been on life support since delivery. And so it happened that, for the next 48 hours, every time I wheeled my healthy, full term babies down to the nursery for a bath or so that I could take a nap, I had to pass around or through this group of people.

Despite my joy at the delivery of my babies, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of guilt, every time I visited the nursery. According to a nursing sister that I chatted to, the little one was not expected to survive and the doctors and staff had done all they could to keep him comfortable and pain free until he passed away. She said that they were bound to prolonging his life and that all that remained was the parents' decision as to how long they would keep him on life support, as he wasn't even able to breathe by himself. I believe the parents made a decision late that night.

The following day, as I rode the lift down to the ground floor, on my way home with my girls, the mother of the little one who had passed away stepped into the lift on the 2nd floor. Instinctively, we embraced each other and I whispered to her that I really had no words for her, but that my thoughts were with her and her family. We left the lift together, both of us in tears, me on my way home to begin a new life with my girls and she on her way home, to an empty nursery.

What happened that day changed me in so many ways. It gave me a new reason to be grateful for every day I have with my children, and re-instilled in me a capacity for empathy and selflessness that I thought I had lost.

To that mommy: If you ever read this, know that you, your son and your family are still in my thoughts and heart, even now that my girls are almost eight years old. It seems like only yesterday that we rode that lift together, a short journey that would lead us to the rest of our lives. Wherever you are, God bless and take care.

Birthday party nightmares

by Doodle

It's that time of the year again for me and the fun and games are just about to begin as the 10 girls I have been friends with for the past 6 years try to out do each other in hosting the most terrific and extraordinary kiddies party ever. All of us attended antenatal classes together and so all our little Angels were born with in a few weeks of each other. From the start of autumn to basically the end of winter every second weekend we spend our Saturdays at a birthday party, by the end of winter I am more then happy never to see a slice of Birthday cake again or sing along to Happy Birthday!!!

However there is nothing uncomplicated about these parties any longer, the once easy going uneventful little chin digs that we use to enjoy together with some tasty treats and perhaps a jumping castle or sand pit for the little party goers has now turned into Birthday party Survivor. You are very fortunate if your child's party is one of the first as the bar has not been set as yet and so the pressure is not as crushing as for the poor Mums who have to compete towards the end of the party season.

On receiving one of the first birthday invites the games are officially opened........ Hmmm let's see what we are up against. A beautifully hand written 4 page invite from the Flower Princess of the North, complete with a poem and a point for point schedule of the proceedings for the day... PS: Please come dressed appropriately for the Royal celebration. My son is beside himself with excitement and is counting the sleeps until he goes to the Flower Princesses Birthday party. Saturday morning off we go to the nearest Costume hire to go get him an appropriate little outfit for the occasion. After an hour of trying on and taking off and much persuasion the Prince finally chooses a Royal blue cloak with gold and ruby buttons, matching ¾ pants and of course a crown to complete it. Wonderful we are ready and off to the party we go. I am eager to see what awaits us and I am already starting to picture what we will find in my mind. Knowing this Mums previous birthday celebrations I know we are in for a real treat.

Entering the Kingdom of the north and the Flower Princesses castle I am completely bowled over, I immediately begin to wonder what am I possibly going to do for my 6 year olds birthday that will be able to compete with this!!! The entire house has been turned into a real life castle for the little Flower Princess, equipped with a draw bridge and a moat and of course a red carpet for the guests. Pink and Purple fabric draped from the walls with the Royal Families shield and a huge board welcoming all to the festivities. Each guest has their picture taken in the castle that you can take home with you when you leave. We are lead into a beautifully set up little tea garden with matching pink and purple plates and cups every single little detail has been taken care of right down to the tiny little butterflies dotted all over the garden. Professional musicians gently playing classical music in the background (and I really do mean 3 real life musicians with their violins and flutes) while you enjoy the ever on going feast of treats that have been laid out. The children play games of the times with kiss the frog and riding around on stick ponies trying to win the hand of the Princess. You can hear the Moms chattering as more and more indulgences are brought out. The exhausted Hostess hushes everyone, bringing all the children together and the musicians begin to play Happy Birthday. The loveliest of Castle cake's is brought out with all the embellishments....look out towers, guards, flags and even a little princess on the bridge. The Adults and children alike all completely breathless...the oohs and aaahs are soon followed by the children fighting and tugging over who will have which piece of the castle. Finally the day comes to an end and each little Prince and Princess receives a party pack to take home, enclosed is a Royal certificate, a crown, chocolate gold coins, sweets and chocolates and a key to the castle for the next celebration.......

All the way home each of the Moms begins conjuring up magnificent ideas on what junior's party is going to be like, how to plan one bigger and better so that the now sleepy little Prince does not feel like his party was not fun or lacked all the necessary trimmings!!!! What are they going to hire and just how big can we make that Formula one racing car cake. With the Flower Princesses party lurking each night in the Mums dreams (nightmares more like it), keeping them up into the early hours working on party lists and visiting websites on the most up to date birthday idea's.......dam dam dam that Flower Princess!!!!! The once easy going enjoyable parties that we all use to look forward to with no mess no fuss were now causing the party planning Mums dreadful ulcers and stressing Dads as they heard their bank account being drained...... all for juniors 6th Birthday party!!!

Partying is such sweet sorrow

by Kyknoord

Regular visitors will know that the fruit of my loins (a.k.a. Kyknoord Jr) lives in Port Elizabeth with her mother and that I, being the doting sire that I am, visit her regularly.

An enormous advantage of living in a different city to your progeny is that you aren’t expected to attend the scores of kiddie birthday parties that seem to crop up more or less continually throughout the year. My previous trips to the windy friendly city have been rather well timed, because up until now I’ve managed to avoid them all. Sadly, my run of good luck came to an abrupt end on my most recent visit.

If I had to summarise the experience in three words, they would be “Oh, the horror”. Picture an extended version of Timmy permanently about to fall down the well (with Lassie nowhere in sight) and you’ll have some idea. Of course, when the adults weren’t chasing after their screaming offspring, they were busy discussing mucous and bowel movements in full Technicolor detail. Fun is not the word+.

When the indoor activities++ were done, the outdoor festivities began. Naturally, when you have a dozen toddlers and only one item of recreational apparatus, you have a recipe for conflict:
“I wanna swing!”
“I wanna swing!”
“I wanna swing!”[Cue: wailing and gnashing of teeth. Repeat]

It was like being in a sugar-powered echo chamber. It did, however, illustrate that the laws of supply and demand are established at a very young age. This is probably why Communism never really caught on. It also explains why there are rallies and sell-offs on the stock market. Brokers are clearly all three-year olds at heart.

+ Indeed not. “Bleuaargh!” is the word.
++ i.e. cake orgy.

Why I choose to Homebirth

by Annie Austin

While most doctors will tell you that giving birth is a medical event which needs to take place in a hospital, with doctor in attendance “in case something goes wrong”, there is a whole range of alternatives out there. From having baby in a hospital with a midwife instead of doctor, to unassisted childbirth. With a whole spectrum of options in between.

Thought I would start with the birth of my second child. I had resigned myself to having a hospital birth, my husband was totally opposed to a home birth. He was worried that we were too far away from help if something went wrong. I think he realized that we would have to look at other options to hospital birth after a completely stressful visit to my now second OB. The first one and I parted ways on rather bad terms as he was completely unprepared to allow me to have a birth plan or to have any say whatsoever in the kind of birth I wanted. He said we would either do things his was or he was not prepared to be my doctor anymore. I was not about to let him bully me into having a medicated, medically controlled birth, especially since my first had been a home birth without complications. I changed OB’s only to end up with even more stress and being told I would probably need to have a c-section as my placenta was low lying – this was at about 24 weeks – I had had an ultra sound at 19 weeks and my placenta was nowhere near low lying. To cut a long and boring story short, the two OB’s know each other pretty well and both have an incredibly high c-section rate.

So there we were 25 weeks along and no care giver, I was desperate enough to consider using my GP who operates from the only hospital in our nearest small town – a state hospital – but at least he would be reasonable and would not try to bully me further.

I decided to look at other options, there had to be something better than the options I had considered thus far. Even if it meant me giving birth in Durban almost two hours drive away. I found a midwife in Ballito, not as far as Durban, but still over an hour away. I went to see her and we clicked immediately – she gave me the confidence to seriously consider home birth as an option, after all my first pregnancy and labour had been straightforward. My husband and I agreed (or rather I convinced him) that home birth would be the way to go and we haven’t looked back since.

Our son was born on the fourth of May, after an amazing labour assisted by a midwife and doula. I used a birthing pool for pain relief and was allowed to labour at my own pace. Ryan was born in water, with the membranes still intact. I was able to nurse him as soon as he was ready, he went straight into daddy's arms and was never left alone to fend for himself for one second.

After the birth we got into the family bed and got to know our youngest son better. Our oldest son was present to meet his new brother and the whole day was relaxed and pleasant. And I never had to eat hospital food!

Compare this to how most birth happens in a hospital. Firstly there is the drive to the hospital, in our case 40miles along bad roads, then having to get checked into hospital. After arrival, spending time on your back attached to monitors, and being examined by a midwife and nurses you have never met before.

If all this is not enough to stall labour, then chances are that the constant interruptions and offers of pain relief and IV needle in your arm would be. Not to even mention the fact that you are not allowed anything to eat or drink but clear fluids – just in case.

If you are one of the lucky ones, labour will proceed as expected - doctors expectations that is - not yours. If your membranes have not ruptured, then labour will be ‘helped along’ with rupturing of membranes. This often has the effect of speeding labour up and making the whole process more far painful.

Labour is given a time limit and if things take too long or start to slow down - due to all the interruptions - then drugs to speed up labour are given. Chances are that this will lead to the mother needing pain medication, as the labour inducing drugs cause harsher and more intense contractions, forcing baby out into the world before it is ready.

Due to the drugs extra monitoring is required, mother is expected to lie on her back so that baby’s heart rate can be monitored. Lying on her back not only makes for a more painful labour, but will also have a negative effect on baby’s heart rate.

If baby is seen to be in distress – possibly due to drugs given to the mother, or due to mother lying on her back, words like emergency c-section or forceps delivery start being bandied around.

What started out as a straight forward birth, has been turned into a medical emergency. Unfortunately most doctors are taught to deal with medical emergencies and not healthy mothers giving birth to healthy babies. One intervention leads to the next.

Add to this the risk of infection from other patients, risk of kidnapping (a common occurrence where we live in South Africa) and homebirth starts looking like a far better option.

These are only two of the options available to moms, there are many great free-standing birthing centers available – these are staffed by midwives and doulas. Some hospitals are open to independent midwives attending births instead of doctors. On the other end of the spectrum is unassisted childbirth where the mom chooses to labour at home with only her partner present without any medical intervention whatsoever.

Further reading on homebirth and birth stories:
~Earthbabies
~Mothering homebirth article
~Mothering Reasons to choose homebirth article

Monday, 21 May 2007

Online infertility support in South Africa


by Tertia Albertyn
I would like to tell you a little about one of my latest projects. Something that started up and then had to put on hold while I sorted my life out. It is still on hold in terms of my time and effort, but the essence of it continues without me.
A big, big part of what got me through the darkest times during my infertility battle was the support I got from my fellow infertiles in the computer. I spent literally hours, and I mean HOURS online chatting and bonding and sharing with people from across the globe. These women I met on the infertility bulletin boards and online support groups became some of my dearests friends. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without them. I am still really close to many of them today, all these years later. Hey girls, remember TLOL! How long ago was that! Ages.
I wrote about this in my book and people often email me and ask where they can find good local online support forums and I feel terrible that I am unable to point them to anything that comes even close to what I had.
There are three main online support forums that exist in South Africa:
The one is very regionalized and specific to a particular type of ‘treatment’
The other is exceptionally quiet. No one ever posts.
The busiest one is a forum that is plagued with daily melodrama / trolls / infighting / bitchiness etc. I would hate to send someone new that way.
There might be a few others but I don’t know about them.
As you know, helping others deal with infertility is my cause, my passion and my self-imposed obligation and so I wanted to do something about it. So I set up the framework of a site where I could talk about infertility issues and facilitate a forum where people could get the same kind of support and love I got all those years back. And then the whole “Talk” thing happened and it was one of the casualties of my ‘quality time with husband’ thing. Rats!
I am still very keen on the idea and I will pick it up as soon as I have some capacity, but I am hoping that the forums will tick over in the meantime without too much of my intervention.
If you are South African and are looking for online support, please go have a look at http://www.storksisters.com/ and participate in the conversations that have started there. No trolls / bitchiness / melodrama tolerated!
Good luck and much love to all of you.
xxx

New Editor Intro

By Annie Austin

It is official, I have taken over as editor of SA Parent Life, I will do my best to follow in Aalize's footsteps and do her site proud!

A little about me:
I am a WAHM (work at home mom) , we live in Rural Kwazulunatal. I am an avid writer (though consider myself somewhat of a beginer). I am mom to 2 boys ages 10 & 1 year, we homeschool, belive in attachment parenting and gentle discipline, but I want to keep this as a general informational site and as such plan to have a cross section of work from parents with different parental styles. I will also be looking at asking kids and teens to post their articles.

I look forward to getting to know all the regular posters and readers on here, may we learn and grow together.

Check out Natural Living Family Blog for some of my articles.

Sunday, 20 May 2007

Some great South African sites worth visiting

Birthing in Awareness ~ We are motherhood mentors and alternative healers honouring the age-old tradition of women supporting women in various rites of passage through life. We hold regular workshops and courses for Doula trainees, mothers and partners. We provide Breastfeeding facilitation, Doula support, Reiki energy work, Therapeutic massage with essential oils and Mentoring in the Birthing from Within philosophy of mindful awareness into motherhood.

Bosom Buddies is a non-profit Christian organisation that services a local state hospital providing nappy-bags with clothing, blankets and products for the newborn as well as hygiene products for the mother. We personally deliver the bags to each mom and spend one-on-one time with each baby and mother. By doing this we ensure that no baby goes home without being adequately clothed and each mom feels that their community do care and the birth is recognized and celebrated. We ensure the mothers of premature infants who are involved in kangacare, have access to free tea & coffee supplies as well as a few food basics. We also try to make their room more homely by providing books and games, literature and laundry facilities.

Earthbabies ~ Earth Babies is a South African venture set up to support mothers and babies.Earth Babies is a home run business. It was created to help inform and support parents seeking a more natural approach to birth and parenting.

Mother Nature Products ~ Shaped cloth nappies inspired by nature.

Natural Living Family Blog ~ The natural parenting place... Collection of articles by Annie Austin on Natural and Attachment parenting.

Pestalozzi Trust ~ Legal defence fund for home education.

South African Breastmilk Reserve ~ SABR is an association registered under Section 21 of the Companies Act. SABR sees as its partners, the mother bank “iThembaLethu Breastmilk Bank” in Durban, iThembaLethu Human Milk Bank (Cape Town).
All three banks have been indorsed and partially sponsored by UNICEF (United Nations Children’s Fund). Other donors include Nampak, Clover, the Bersheba Foundation and Pixeljuice.

Part of being a parent is ensuring that your children get the best education that you can give them. For some it means private schools, others may prefer a Christian school, but in South Africa there is a huge growing community of homeschoolers. www.south-african-homeschool-curriculum.com helps this community to raise their children according to Godly standards, get organized in your home, develop long lasting relationships with knowledge and offers you a wonderful literature based curriculum, Footprints On Our Land, to use with your children. Footprints On Our Land gives you a magnificent arm chair journey through South Africa and its history, stopping to discover the geography and people of this land. There are three programs - Little Footprints (Ages 4 -8), South Africa's Heritage (Ages 7 - 12) and Footprints into the 21st Century (Ages 12 - 16). Shirley and Wendy, owners of www.south-african-homeschool-curriculum.com , also have a FREE monthly encouragement E-zine for homeschool families. Be sure to visit.

St Aiden's South Africa - Home education and activities ~ Here you will be able to access the best international resources on the net and for a typically South African flavour, we will be adding age-appropriate printables, worksheets, thematic units. You will also find units in isiZulu, Afrikaans, Hindi, Sotho & other major language

International sites we like

Kids Craft Weekly ~ Kids Craft Weekly is a free newsletter full of inspiring craft ideas and fun activities for young kids.

Hathor the cowgoddess ~ Amazing Site, pop in and see for yourself!!

Mothering ~ Natural Family Living magazine


Breastfeeding Links
La Leche League International
Kellymom
Sisters of Breastfeeding
When Mothers Nurse
motherwear.com
Breastfeeding.com

Wednesday, 16 May 2007

Earth Babies

By Sally Cameron

I fell pregnant while we were living in England so I started to look for information on homebirths and natural products in the UK. This led me to discover wonderful natural parenting products available overseas. Rachel was later born at home in Pretoria, South Africa. When I looked for products similar to those that I had seen in the UK, I couldn’t find anything, and yet I was sure that there must be other parents in South Africa who were also interested in the kind of products I was looking for.

I met Barbara at antenatal classes and when we spent time together after the birth of our children, she saw that I was using cloth nappies that I had brought back home from England. She was interested in them and in the other ideas that I had, and so we decided to start the company Earth Babies to provide these products here in South Africa.

We both had very small babies at this point but slowly we managed to resource fabric and design patterns for our products. After our first few strange looking nappies, we came up with a design that we liked and started making cloth nappies to sell, usually at night once our babies were asleep. This was very time consuming and involved many late night hours at the sewing machine. Husbands were even called in to help sew when times were busy. We gradually added more designs and products to our range but as we grew we realised that we could not keep up with making the nappies ourselves. We now have a small CMT factory in Pretoria helping us and it has really lifted an enormous burden.

We decided that our company should be an internet-based site so that it could be accessed by parents around the country, and products could be posted countrywide. It also helped to keep out overheads low. We followed the treads of similar types of companies in USA and UK where natural parenting Internet companies are prolific. South Africa is catching up fast with regards to Internet usage and e-commerce so we feel that we have positioned ourselves in an emerging market. Since we started our company, quite a few cloth nappy companies have come onto the market in South Africa.

We did not however want our company to focus purely on our products. We really wanted a large part of what we did to be about supporting mothers and giving them information about more natural approaches to parenting. It was only through other people sharing their ideas with us that we learnt about things like cloth nappies, elimination communication, extended breastfeeding, natural and home births. We, in turn, wanted to make the information available to others and so a large part of our Internet site is dedicated to articles and information about these topics. We also made a forum available on our website where parents can chat to each other, share ideas, and support one another in pregnancy, birth and parenting.

Barbara and I both want to be work at home moms. It is not always easy to balance working and mothering, but we just have to keep evaluating what our initial goals were and stick to that. The temptation to try and compete with larger companies and to grow too fast has been there, but this would mean a lot less time with our children, who remain our number one focus.

Barbara – “ I have always dreamed of being a mom, the reality of which has been more wonderful, more challenging and more time consuming than I could ever have imagined. I hope that Earth Babies can reach other moms on this amazing journey and somehow make it a little easier for them."

Sally - “I always knew that my dream job was out there and that I just had not found it yet. Who would have known that it would be owning my own company and being able to help other parents. Barbara and I joke now that we should have studied business and computers to do this job but I know that my background in nursing and midwifery has helped us, as has Barbara’s experience in the restaurant industry as an administrator and personal assistant. We feel like quite small fish is the big ocean but we will be the best most colourful fish we can be.”

Tuesday, 15 May 2007

Co-Sleeping in comfort

by Annie Austin

I have always been pro sharing sleep, my first son spent the first six months of his life in my bed and first year in my room - at the time I was newly widowed and spent so much time away from my son during the day while I was at work that I hated to be parted from him when I didn't have to - including while we slept.

After marrying a wonderful man and finding happiness in a marriage that I thought I would never find again, I was expecting my second child. We looked at cots and bassinets and started putting together a nursery for him, but somehow it just didn't feel right. The more I read parenting info the more the attachment parenting mindset made sense to me. I started reading forums and magazines like Mothering and realised that I agreed with the shared sleep philosophy and all it entailed. Now to convince my huband of this... unlike me he had a traditional South African upbringing and all the ideas that go with it. Anyhow I shared some of the info I had read and realised very quickly that my wonderful husband would prove to be even more wonderful, he agreed with my ideas and was happy to have our baby share our bed. I even convinced him that giving birth to our baby at home was the best option for us, even though we live on a farm and are some distance from the nearest hospital, but that is another story alltogether.

Our youngest is now a year old has slept with us from the begining and we just love having him in our bed. Though even with a king-size bed things were getting a bit cramped as he tends to stretch out across the bed. I then got the idea of putting a single bed next to our bed. We are fortunate in that we live in a really old farm house and the rooms are huge, so this is an option. I adjusted the legs of the bed so that the beds would be the same height and made a fitted sheet that fits over both beds. The single bed is now in the corner of the room, so that my son cannot fall off during the night - he learned how to get off the bed without falling off about two months ago, but I still worry he may fall off while asleep. I now sleep in the middle of the bed and no longer have a bedside table - which will take some getting used to, but there is now enough space for all of us - even my oldest (he sometimes sits on the bed with us and watches a movie) and the really great thing is that should we be fortunate enough to have another baby while this one still sleeps with us, there will be enough room for everyone to sleep safely. Now if I could just convince my body it is ready for the next one, but with Ryan still breast-feeding who knows when this will happen?

Sharing sleep or co-sleeping really is an amazing way for both parents to bond with baby, and I find nothing easier than just feeding my baby when he is hungry during the night without having to leave my bed. While this is not an option that will work for all families I stronly recommend that it is something that is considered by future parents as an option. While many may say it is not safe to sleep with your baby in your bed, there is a lot of research out there that shows, that as long as a few simple rules are followed, it is a truly safe and rewarding experience for the whole family.

After all babies have only been sleeping apart from their parents in recent history, a few hundred years ago nobody had even heard of cots...

Recommended reading:


Get the book





~Three in a Bed: the benefits of sleeping with your baby by Deborah Jackson Mothering.com article Three in a Bed by Deborah Jackson
~Safe Co-Sleeping article by Elizabeth Pantley (author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution)

Wednesday, 02 May 2007

Child Protégé, Indeed

By Cath Jenkin

So, there you were, all newborn and fresh and cute and your dad and I were swallowed up by new baby love.

Then, after six weeks of “continual awake/asleep/feed me/change me/and that’s all I do – isn’t that easy?” phasing… the worst thing happened.

All of a sudden, you were AWAKE. AWAKE and staring at me. Goading me to “go on, now entertain me”.

So, we did. We bought the bloody expensive Baby Einstein. Convinced ourselves we were, as a result, nurturing your hidden talents and growing ourselves a true blue child protégé. We just KNEW we were the BEST parents ever.

Of course, that was the exact moment you started to totally ignore the television.

So, back to the world’s largest baby superstore we went. And invested small African countries’ GDPs in “educational toys”, utterly enamoured by the idea that WE were doing the BEST for our little pumpkin. SHE was going to grow up and CHANGE the world.

And we brought them home, showed them to you, and you gave them exactly thirteen seconds’ attention before throwing them back at me.

And turned your attention back to the television.

So, we kept on going. Trying everything. Reading. Reading to you and with you was a HUGE priority in our lives because someone (and approximately fifteen child-rearing books) said…

“You know, children who read from a young age really learn to talk faster?”

And there we were, talking to you and reading up a storm. CONVINCED that we were STILL growing a child protégé. I even went as far as saying:

“Well, my daughter is already mouthing words and making word-sounding babbles. She’s SO clever”

Why did nobody stop me and say something like “Oh, you’re going to regret this one…”

And then, you were walking and talking. You said “mama” one Thursday night and I just held you and cried and laughed and smiled.

I WAS SO PROUD.

Until, of course, the day came. Anyone who is a parent knows this. The day comes where you begin to regret being so eager for your child to speak and talk and communicate.

And yes, folks, that day was Tuesday morning.

You’d been sick, poor thing. There’d been mess and vomit and pooh.

So, I cleaned us both up, started the mammoth laundry task. Tried to pry my fatigued eyes open to remember how to turn the machine on.

Both of us so tired and grubby.

And there I was, standing beside the machine. And you called me that name I know and love so well now.

“Mama?”

So, I turned and looked at you, my poor little sick child.

“Yes, Cameron?”

And you looked back at me, with your innocent eyes, all your precious teeth grinning at me.

And then you said, “F*ck.”
.
“Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.” ~Author Unknown