Why I choose to Homebirth

by Annie Austin

While most doctors will tell you that giving birth is a medical event which needs to take place in a hospital, with doctor in attendance “in case something goes wrong”, there is a whole range of alternatives out there. From having baby in a hospital with a midwife instead of doctor, to unassisted childbirth. With a whole spectrum of options in between.

Thought I would start with the birth of my second child. I had resigned myself to having a hospital birth, my husband was totally opposed to a home birth. He was worried that we were too far away from help if something went wrong. I think he realized that we would have to look at other options to hospital birth after a completely stressful visit to my now second OB. The first one and I parted ways on rather bad terms as he was completely unprepared to allow me to have a birth plan or to have any say whatsoever in the kind of birth I wanted. He said we would either do things his was or he was not prepared to be my doctor anymore. I was not about to let him bully me into having a medicated, medically controlled birth, especially since my first had been a home birth without complications. I changed OB’s only to end up with even more stress and being told I would probably need to have a c-section as my placenta was low lying – this was at about 24 weeks – I had had an ultra sound at 19 weeks and my placenta was nowhere near low lying. To cut a long and boring story short, the two OB’s know each other pretty well and both have an incredibly high c-section rate.

So there we were 25 weeks along and no care giver, I was desperate enough to consider using my GP who operates from the only hospital in our nearest small town – a state hospital – but at least he would be reasonable and would not try to bully me further.

I decided to look at other options, there had to be something better than the options I had considered thus far. Even if it meant me giving birth in Durban almost two hours drive away. I found a midwife in Ballito, not as far as Durban, but still over an hour away. I went to see her and we clicked immediately – she gave me the confidence to seriously consider home birth as an option, after all my first pregnancy and labour had been straightforward. My husband and I agreed (or rather I convinced him) that home birth would be the way to go and we haven’t looked back since.

Our son was born on the fourth of May, after an amazing labour assisted by a midwife and doula. I used a birthing pool for pain relief and was allowed to labour at my own pace. Ryan was born in water, with the membranes still intact. I was able to nurse him as soon as he was ready, he went straight into daddy's arms and was never left alone to fend for himself for one second.

After the birth we got into the family bed and got to know our youngest son better. Our oldest son was present to meet his new brother and the whole day was relaxed and pleasant. And I never had to eat hospital food!

Compare this to how most birth happens in a hospital. Firstly there is the drive to the hospital, in our case 40miles along bad roads, then having to get checked into hospital. After arrival, spending time on your back attached to monitors, and being examined by a midwife and nurses you have never met before.

If all this is not enough to stall labour, then chances are that the constant interruptions and offers of pain relief and IV needle in your arm would be. Not to even mention the fact that you are not allowed anything to eat or drink but clear fluids – just in case.

If you are one of the lucky ones, labour will proceed as expected - doctors expectations that is - not yours. If your membranes have not ruptured, then labour will be ‘helped along’ with rupturing of membranes. This often has the effect of speeding labour up and making the whole process more far painful.

Labour is given a time limit and if things take too long or start to slow down - due to all the interruptions - then drugs to speed up labour are given. Chances are that this will lead to the mother needing pain medication, as the labour inducing drugs cause harsher and more intense contractions, forcing baby out into the world before it is ready.

Due to the drugs extra monitoring is required, mother is expected to lie on her back so that baby’s heart rate can be monitored. Lying on her back not only makes for a more painful labour, but will also have a negative effect on baby’s heart rate.

If baby is seen to be in distress – possibly due to drugs given to the mother, or due to mother lying on her back, words like emergency c-section or forceps delivery start being bandied around.

What started out as a straight forward birth, has been turned into a medical emergency. Unfortunately most doctors are taught to deal with medical emergencies and not healthy mothers giving birth to healthy babies. One intervention leads to the next.

Add to this the risk of infection from other patients, risk of kidnapping (a common occurrence where we live in South Africa) and homebirth starts looking like a far better option.

These are only two of the options available to moms, there are many great free-standing birthing centers available – these are staffed by midwives and doulas. Some hospitals are open to independent midwives attending births instead of doctors. On the other end of the spectrum is unassisted childbirth where the mom chooses to labour at home with only her partner present without any medical intervention whatsoever.

Further reading on homebirth and birth stories:
~Earthbabies
~Mothering homebirth article
~Mothering Reasons to choose homebirth article

Online infertility support in South Africa

by Tertia Albertyn
I would like to tell you a little about one of my latest projects. Something that started up and then had to put on hold while I sorted my life out. It is still on hold in terms of my time and effort, but the essence of it continues without me.
A big, big part of what got me through the darkest times during my infertility battle was the support I got from my fellow infertiles in the computer. I spent literally hours, and I mean HOURS online chatting and bonding and sharing with people from across the globe. These women I met on the infertility bulletin boards and online support groups became some of my dearests friends. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without them. I am still really close to many of them today, all these years later. Hey girls, remember TLOL! How long ago was that! Ages.
I wrote about this in my book and people often email me and ask where they can find good local online support forums and I feel terrible that I am unable to point them to anything that comes even close to what I had.
There are three main online support forums that exist in South Africa:
The one is very regionalized and specific to a particular type of ‘treatment’
The other is exceptionally quiet. No one ever posts.
The busiest one is a forum that is plagued with daily melodrama / trolls / infighting / bitchiness etc. I would hate to send someone new that way.
There might be a few others but I don’t know about them.
As you know, helping others deal with infertility is my cause, my passion and my self-imposed obligation and so I wanted to do something about it. So I set up the framework of a site where I could talk about infertility issues and facilitate a forum where people could get the same kind of support and love I got all those years back. And then the whole “Talk” thing happened and it was one of the casualties of my ‘quality time with husband’ thing. Rats!
I am still very keen on the idea and I will pick it up as soon as I have some capacity, but I am hoping that the forums will tick over in the meantime without too much of my intervention.
If you are South African and are looking for online support, please go have a look at http://www.storksisters.com/ and participate in the conversations that have started there. No trolls / bitchiness / melodrama tolerated!
Good luck and much love to all of you.
xxx

New Editor Intro

By Annie Austin

It is official, I have taken over as editor of SA Parent Life, I will do my best to follow in Aalize's footsteps and do her site proud!

A little about me:
I am a WAHM (work at home mom) , we live in Rural Kwazulunatal. I am an avid writer (though consider myself somewhat of a beginer). I am mom to 2 boys ages 10 & 1 year, we homeschool, belive in attachment parenting and gentle discipline, but I want to keep this as a general informational site and as such plan to have a cross section of work from parents with different parental styles. I will also be looking at asking kids and teens to post their articles.

I look forward to getting to know all the regular posters and readers on here, may we learn and grow together.

Check out Natural Living Family Blog for some of my articles.

Some great South African sites worth visiting

Birthing in Awareness ~ We are motherhood mentors and alternative healers honouring the age-old tradition of women supporting women in various rites of passage through life. We hold regular workshops and courses for Doula trainees, mothers and partners. We provide Breastfeeding facilitation, Doula support, Reiki energy work, Therapeutic massage with essential oils and Mentoring in the Birthing from Within philosophy of mindful awareness into motherhood.

Bosom Buddies is a non-profit Christian organisation that services a local state hospital providing nappy-bags with clothing, blankets and products for the newborn as well as hygiene products for the mother. We personally deliver the bags to each mom and spend one-on-one time with each baby and mother. By doing this we ensure that no baby goes home without being adequately clothed and each mom feels that their community do care and the birth is recognized and celebrated. We ensure the mothers of premature infants who are involved in kangacare, have access to free tea & coffee supplies as well as a few food basics. We also try to make their room more homely by providing books and games, literature and laundry facilities.

Earthbabies ~ Earth Babies is a South African venture set up to support mothers and babies.Earth Babies is a home run business. It was created to help inform and support parents seeking a more natural approach to birth and parenting.

Mother Nature Products ~ Shaped cloth nappies inspired by nature.

Natural Living Family Blog ~ The natural parenting place... Collection of articles by Annie Austin on Natural and Attachment parenting.

Pestalozzi Trust ~ Legal defence fund for home education.

South African Breastmilk Reserve ~ SABR is an association registered under Section 21 of the Companies Act. SABR sees as its partners, the mother bank “iThembaLethu Breastmilk Bank” in Durban, iThembaLethu Human Milk Bank (Cape Town).
All three banks have been indorsed and partially sponsored by UNICEF (United Nations Children’s Fund). Other donors include Nampak, Clover, the Bersheba Foundation and Pixeljuice.

Part of being a parent is ensuring that your children get the best education that you can give them. For some it means private schools, others may prefer a Christian school, but in South Africa there is a huge growing community of homeschoolers. www.south-african-homeschool-curriculum.com helps this community to raise their children according to Godly standards, get organized in your home, develop long lasting relationships with knowledge and offers you a wonderful literature based curriculum, Footprints On Our Land, to use with your children. Footprints On Our Land gives you a magnificent arm chair journey through South Africa and its history, stopping to discover the geography and people of this land. There are three programs - Little Footprints (Ages 4 -8), South Africa's Heritage (Ages 7 - 12) and Footprints into the 21st Century (Ages 12 - 16). Shirley and Wendy, owners of www.south-african-homeschool-curriculum.com , also have a FREE monthly encouragement E-zine for homeschool families. Be sure to visit.

St Aiden's South Africa - Home education and activities ~ Here you will be able to access the best international resources on the net and for a typically South African flavour, we will be adding age-appropriate printables, worksheets, thematic units. You will also find units in isiZulu, Afrikaans, Hindi, Sotho & other major language

International sites we like

Kids Craft Weekly ~ Kids Craft Weekly is a free newsletter full of inspiring craft ideas and fun activities for young kids.

Hathor the cowgoddess ~ Amazing Site, pop in and see for yourself!!

Mothering ~ Natural Family Living magazine


Breastfeeding Links
La Leche League International
Kellymom
Sisters of Breastfeeding
When Mothers Nurse
motherwear.com
Breastfeeding.com

Earth Babies

By Sally Cameron

I fell pregnant while we were living in England so I started to look for information on homebirths and natural products in the UK. This led me to discover wonderful natural parenting products available overseas. Rachel was later born at home in Pretoria, South Africa. When I looked for products similar to those that I had seen in the UK, I couldn’t find anything, and yet I was sure that there must be other parents in South Africa who were also interested in the kind of products I was looking for.

I met Barbara at antenatal classes and when we spent time together after the birth of our children, she saw that I was using cloth nappies that I had brought back home from England. She was interested in them and in the other ideas that I had, and so we decided to start the company Earth Babies to provide these products here in South Africa.

We both had very small babies at this point but slowly we managed to resource fabric and design patterns for our products. After our first few strange looking nappies, we came up with a design that we liked and started making cloth nappies to sell, usually at night once our babies were asleep. This was very time consuming and involved many late night hours at the sewing machine. Husbands were even called in to help sew when times were busy. We gradually added more designs and products to our range but as we grew we realised that we could not keep up with making the nappies ourselves. We now have a small CMT factory in Pretoria helping us and it has really lifted an enormous burden.

We decided that our company should be an internet-based site so that it could be accessed by parents around the country, and products could be posted countrywide. It also helped to keep out overheads low. We followed the treads of similar types of companies in USA and UK where natural parenting Internet companies are prolific. South Africa is catching up fast with regards to Internet usage and e-commerce so we feel that we have positioned ourselves in an emerging market. Since we started our company, quite a few cloth nappy companies have come onto the market in South Africa.

We did not however want our company to focus purely on our products. We really wanted a large part of what we did to be about supporting mothers and giving them information about more natural approaches to parenting. It was only through other people sharing their ideas with us that we learnt about things like cloth nappies, elimination communication, extended breastfeeding, natural and home births. We, in turn, wanted to make the information available to others and so a large part of our Internet site is dedicated to articles and information about these topics. We also made a forum available on our website where parents can chat to each other, share ideas, and support one another in pregnancy, birth and parenting.

Barbara and I both want to be work at home moms. It is not always easy to balance working and mothering, but we just have to keep evaluating what our initial goals were and stick to that. The temptation to try and compete with larger companies and to grow too fast has been there, but this would mean a lot less time with our children, who remain our number one focus.

Barbara – “ I have always dreamed of being a mom, the reality of which has been more wonderful, more challenging and more time consuming than I could ever have imagined. I hope that Earth Babies can reach other moms on this amazing journey and somehow make it a little easier for them."

Sally - “I always knew that my dream job was out there and that I just had not found it yet. Who would have known that it would be owning my own company and being able to help other parents. Barbara and I joke now that we should have studied business and computers to do this job but I know that my background in nursing and midwifery has helped us, as has Barbara’s experience in the restaurant industry as an administrator and personal assistant. We feel like quite small fish is the big ocean but we will be the best most colourful fish we can be.”

Co-Sleeping in comfort

by Annie Austin

I have always been pro sharing sleep, my first son spent the first six months of his life in my bed and first year in my room - at the time I was newly widowed and spent so much time away from my son during the day while I was at work that I hated to be parted from him when I didn't have to - including while we slept.

After marrying a wonderful man and finding happiness in a marriage that I thought I would never find again, I was expecting my second child. We looked at cots and bassinets and started putting together a nursery for him, but somehow it just didn't feel right. The more I read parenting info the more the attachment parenting mindset made sense to me. I started reading forums and magazines like Mothering and realised that I agreed with the shared sleep philosophy and all it entailed. Now to convince my huband of this... unlike me he had a traditional South African upbringing and all the ideas that go with it. Anyhow I shared some of the info I had read and realised very quickly that my wonderful husband would prove to be even more wonderful, he agreed with my ideas and was happy to have our baby share our bed. I even convinced him that giving birth to our baby at home was the best option for us, even though we live on a farm and are some distance from the nearest hospital, but that is another story alltogether.

Our youngest is now a year old has slept with us from the begining and we just love having him in our bed. Though even with a king-size bed things were getting a bit cramped as he tends to stretch out across the bed. I then got the idea of putting a single bed next to our bed. We are fortunate in that we live in a really old farm house and the rooms are huge, so this is an option. I adjusted the legs of the bed so that the beds would be the same height and made a fitted sheet that fits over both beds. The single bed is now in the corner of the room, so that my son cannot fall off during the night - he learned how to get off the bed without falling off about two months ago, but I still worry he may fall off while asleep. I now sleep in the middle of the bed and no longer have a bedside table - which will take some getting used to, but there is now enough space for all of us - even my oldest (he sometimes sits on the bed with us and watches a movie) and the really great thing is that should we be fortunate enough to have another baby while this one still sleeps with us, there will be enough room for everyone to sleep safely. Now if I could just convince my body it is ready for the next one, but with Ryan still breast-feeding who knows when this will happen?

Sharing sleep or co-sleeping really is an amazing way for both parents to bond with baby, and I find nothing easier than just feeding my baby when he is hungry during the night without having to leave my bed. While this is not an option that will work for all families I stronly recommend that it is something that is considered by future parents as an option. While many may say it is not safe to sleep with your baby in your bed, there is a lot of research out there that shows, that as long as a few simple rules are followed, it is a truly safe and rewarding experience for the whole family.

After all babies have only been sleeping apart from their parents in recent history, a few hundred years ago nobody had even heard of cots...

Recommended reading:


Get the book





~Three in a Bed: the benefits of sleeping with your baby by Deborah Jackson Mothering.com article Three in a Bed by Deborah Jackson
~Safe Co-Sleeping article by Elizabeth Pantley (author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution)

Child Protégé, Indeed

By Cath Jenkin

So, there you were, all newborn and fresh and cute and your dad and I were swallowed up by new baby love.

Then, after six weeks of “continual awake/asleep/feed me/change me/and that’s all I do – isn’t that easy?” phasing… the worst thing happened.

All of a sudden, you were AWAKE. AWAKE and staring at me. Goading me to “go on, now entertain me”.

So, we did. We bought the bloody expensive Baby Einstein. Convinced ourselves we were, as a result, nurturing your hidden talents and growing ourselves a true blue child protégé. We just KNEW we were the BEST parents ever.

Of course, that was the exact moment you started to totally ignore the television.

So, back to the world’s largest baby superstore we went. And invested small African countries’ GDPs in “educational toys”, utterly enamoured by the idea that WE were doing the BEST for our little pumpkin. SHE was going to grow up and CHANGE the world.

And we brought them home, showed them to you, and you gave them exactly thirteen seconds’ attention before throwing them back at me.

And turned your attention back to the television.

So, we kept on going. Trying everything. Reading. Reading to you and with you was a HUGE priority in our lives because someone (and approximately fifteen child-rearing books) said…

“You know, children who read from a young age really learn to talk faster?”

And there we were, talking to you and reading up a storm. CONVINCED that we were STILL growing a child protégé. I even went as far as saying:

“Well, my daughter is already mouthing words and making word-sounding babbles. She’s SO clever”

Why did nobody stop me and say something like “Oh, you’re going to regret this one…”

And then, you were walking and talking. You said “mama” one Thursday night and I just held you and cried and laughed and smiled.

I WAS SO PROUD.

Until, of course, the day came. Anyone who is a parent knows this. The day comes where you begin to regret being so eager for your child to speak and talk and communicate.

And yes, folks, that day was Tuesday morning.

You’d been sick, poor thing. There’d been mess and vomit and pooh.

So, I cleaned us both up, started the mammoth laundry task. Tried to pry my fatigued eyes open to remember how to turn the machine on.

Both of us so tired and grubby.

And there I was, standing beside the machine. And you called me that name I know and love so well now.

“Mama?”

So, I turned and looked at you, my poor little sick child.

“Yes, Cameron?”

And you looked back at me, with your innocent eyes, all your precious teeth grinning at me.

And then you said, “F*ck.”
.
“Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.” ~Author Unknown

Reinventing Our Birth Stories

by Rosalia Pihlajasaari



I trained as a doula in 2003 while expecting my second child, Skyla. I had a previous birth by necessary caesarean for my son Davin so I was aiming at having a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean). Upon having had a successful natural water birth with my daughter I decided to follow my bliss and become a doula. I also trained in America to become a Birthing From Within Mentor and childbirth educator.

Part of my training included leading a Birth Stories workshop that has taught me many things amongst which the fact that as life unfolds we become aware that few things are absolutely under our control. As you journey forward you encounter various experiences, good and bad, that assist you in becoming more fully YOU.

Birth is one of those thresholds in life when all your inner resources are challenged and called into action. Even as you stand on this threshold between maiden and mother and you do everything that is recommended, things still have a way of turning out differently from what you expected. Your memory of your birth experience is something that will walk with you for the rest of your life.

Whatever your birth experience is there is always something when you look back, that is bothering you or is causing you grief and sorrow. You are searching for answers to questions that you may not have fully formulated yet or perhaps are looking to place blame with someone or something. This will inevitably re-open any birth wounds leaving you vulnerable yet again. Birth wounds may come in all shapes and sizes. It may take the shape of an unwished for intervention or an unexpected emotion that arose due to lack of support from your partner. It may seem like something small and inconsequential but what ever it is it’s this memory that flavours your recollection of your birth.

Traumatic or disillusioned experiences can affect you in all aspects of your life including your parenting and successive pregnancies and your relationship with your partner or other people. Working through and resolving past trauma is the key to more successful future relations and experiences.

I work with mothers to access their inner resources of love and forgiveness and gently move from a birth memory that causes pain and grief to a place of letting go and exploring better memories that can serve them fully in their lives. Through sensorial mediums such as art and journaling each mother can awaken her inner healer and begin to see her birth through new eyes. This will free her to see strength and power where she previously saw failure. She will also be able to create new empowering beliefs about herself as a birthing woman, mother and individual.
.
Rosalia is a doula, Birthing From Within childbirth educator and mentor, breastfeeding facilitator, Reiki master and massage therapist. You can contact Rosalia at rosalia[at]birthing.co.za to find out when her next Birth Story Workshops are being held. You can visit her website at www.birthing.co.za

Morning Madness

By Dee Steedman

"Be afraid be very afraid. You are about to enter the demons lair," should read the sign on my son’s door in the mornings. Waking my five year old son up in the mornings has become a complete nightmare. My mission: To get the little demon out of bed, attempt to get some food down his throat, clothes on, teeth brushed and lunch and school bag packed and ready for a full day at school.

My son is 100% confirmed NOT a morning person, which makes my life just that much more difficult in the mornings. Most mornings are awful for Mums even when things are flowing smoothly, but in my household mornings are a battle zone and I feel like the crazed Sergeant shouting commands at my seemingly very deaf and stubborn troop.

From the time he is gently awoken until we leave the house, with my nostrils flaring and muttering obscenities under my voice, nothing and I really mean nothing is done effortlessly or on the first time he is told. My partner tip-toes around the house trying his damdest to avoid the cross fire or being snarled at by me: "I can't take it. I can't do this every morning for the next 12 years!!"

I make coffee then go wake him up and try frog march him off to the breakfast table. I come back empty handed and continue to drink my coffee. No sign of the troop, I go back threatening all sorts of unfortunate disasters if he is not there in the next 5 min. I go back and get his breakfast ready and surprise surprise, I have to go back yet again. Finally after being told, “I am just stretching; I am just waking up; I am just blah blah blah…” I return this time with my troop in hand and his feet firmly pushed into the ground, not willing to surrender. He flops down at the breakfast table grumpy and feeling like the entire world is plotting against him and his horrid mother is leading them.

I have bought every possible type of kiddy’s cereal, breakfast bar, spread for toast and flavored yogurt in a feeble attempted to make breakfast proceed with a little more simplicity. I sit watching him and my blood begins to boil as he starts to rearrange the cereal from one side to the other, stirring clock wise then anti clock wise, and finally just staring at it hoping if he did it for long enough it would magically just disappear. A marathon 20 min later and we have managed to get four spoons down... Well done, that was one spoon more than last week!

Okay so hopefully it will improve and we are now half way done. Only thing left is to get him into his clothes and his teeth brushed. I keep popping my head around the corner to see how far he is while I carry on getting myself ready and giving the house a quick once over, still shouting the count down: “I am leaving in 10 min whether you have shoes on or not; I am leaving in 5 min whether you have your lunch packed or not...” No shoes and no lunch does not bother this little troop at all. Tick tock tick tock… the count down is coming to a swift end. Unable to contain myself any longer, I sit him on the counter hurriedly putting on his sandals and ruffle his bed head into something that looks like a Backstreet Boy style. Lunch and school bag whipped on his back and we make a hasty charge for the car only to face yet another frustrating session of William Nicol traffic to school and work.

Trying to teach my growing little troop to do things for himself, to be responsible and how to be on time is proving to more difficult than I had ever imagined. And the thought of another 12 years of battle zone mornings… SOS! Anybody have a Valium or two?