Bosom Buddies

By Mel Novitzkas



When I trained to be a Doula, I needed as much practical experience as possible. I did births at Mowbray Maternity, Stellenbosch Provincial Hospital, Hottentots Holland Hospital, Tygerberg Hospital, and the very swanky Vergelegen Medi-clinic.

I was horrified at the ridiculous difference between state and private.

At the state hospitals woman arrive in a taxi all alone, often in labour, mostly in pain, and always afraid. They birth alone, nameless except for the general title of “Mama”. There is no privacy, no dignity. At one state hospital they are all given morphine although not consulted or informed of risks to baby. Epidurals are non-existent. Even gas is no where to be seen except the scar on the wall where it was once in use. No birth balls, no water, no choice. And then they leave with their infant and often nothing else, not even clothes or a blanket, in the crowded taxi back to the townships.

At the private hospital mothers receive a nappy bag filled with goodies they don’t actually need. And the state moms? Nothing! This will just not do!

And so the non-profit, Bosom Buddies was ‘born’.

Bosom Buddies aims to have all mothers with their newborns, who birth at a State Hospital , to experience a warm & caring welcome into the world. No newborn will go home without being warmly dressed and wrapped snuggly in a blanket.

So what can you do to help?

Not too much about their birthing experience yet. But, we do make gorgeous nappy bags for the moms and their newborns. We fill them with a Babygro, vest, booties, warm knitted jersey and a cosy hat. We throw in a blanket, sanitary pads and a few disposables. When funds allow we include toweling nappies, a snappi and waterproofs. (I hope to have this in every bag soon) We also include a baby product such as Vaseline or powder and sometimes toothpaste and toothbrush for mom. We attach a beautiful handcrafted card to the bag and the gift is ready.Just before we hand out the bags we pop in a packet of crunchies or muffins. Sadly the hospital we visit is high risk so we often have stillbirths. We make sure we have a plain bag filled with pads and toiletries and something pretty for the mom. We attach a sympathy card and just sit and hold them a while. We also take care of the mothers of the prem babies who kangacare for their tiny ones for weeks or months till they are strong enough.

The following resources are needed:

• Fabric for the bags
• Fleece fabric for the blankets
• Wool for the jerseys
• Babygros and vests in newborn & 0-3 months size
• Disposable nappies
• 4 Terricloth nappies with 1 snappi and 2 waterproofs per bag, 1 pkt nappy liners
• Surgical spirits and cotton buds for cord care
• Baby products such as Vaseline, aqueous cream, powder & shampoo
• Sanitary pads for the mother (one of our biggest needs)
• Suitable snacks and beverages for the kangacare mothers who stay in the hospital for extended periods with their premature infants
• Financial sponsorship to make all this possible

We rely solely on volunteers to run the operation and visit the mothers. The beauty of the project is that the needs are specific and unique so everyone has something to offer in the running of BB.

The following are areas where you can commit your time, skills & energy:

• Sewing of the bags (material is provided)
• Knitting jerseys, hats & booties
• Packing of the bags (done weekly once a week)
• Baking of suitable goods for the bags
• Collection of infant clothing & other goods from suppliers & sponsors
• Attending hospital visits (Mondays or Thursdays at 9.00am)
• Marketing BB to potential sponsors and obtaining funding
• Praying for BB and the mothers and babies
• Making cards

When we have enough practical help and financial & product sponsorship we will be able to cover each mother as well as get the project started in other areas. This is our hope.

For further information, please contact Mel
Check out Mel's blog: www.bosombuddies.typepad.com

The rise and rise of the Purple Dinosaur

By Cath Jenkin

I was steadfast in my belief that MY child would not fall prey to the tentacles of him.

I happily exposed her to the "good" stuff – Noddy and Winnie the Pooh. The very expensive but actually cute Baby Einstein. Even went as far as those annoying songs-get-stuck-in-your-head-sing-along-DVDs. I got her into programmes on early morning weekend television. Kool Kats - that rocked her world.

So I successfully avoided him - he of the clapping happy purple dinosaur.

And then, she started a new school. And my sister-in-law messages me in hysterics, because when she picked her daughter up one sunny day, all the children were sat in a neat little row - immersed in a DVD. And my daughter would not be moved.

It was him - BARNEY.

I thought, it's okay. She'll get her fill of him at school; It's okay, it's educational. And then she got sick. And I got desperate. So fate dealt me a swift one.

At our local DVD hire store, they were selling off old stock. Cheap. And there was...yep, you guessed it, cut price Barney DVDs. So, I bought one. Thinking, it can't hurt and it'll distract her.

Let me give you a few of my thoughts on Barney's "What's In A Name?" episode:

1. Every child looks stoned. Stoned, stoned, stoned. I don't know what drugs they feed them but no one could ever get THAT happy over foam alphabet blocks.

2. The child learning to spell her name, Linda. She is the exact model for the Children of the Corn. Yes, that horror movie we all watched as giggling teenagers. EXACT.MODEL.

3. The way Barney pops out of nowhere frightens even me. Hell knows what it does to small children - even if they do use sparkly-bubble-effect to make it look pretty.

4. That song - “I love you, You love me, We're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too?” - makes me want to grab the nearest weapon and launch it in the general direction of the television.

And yet, Barney has redeemed himself.

Despite my concerns and annoyance, I have never before seen my child so flipping mesmerised. Entirely absorbed. Learning so much. Soaking up all that purple power.

And so, I am now not only the owner of three more incredibly irritating but lifesaving Barney DVDs (thank you Uncle Garry, who ruined his street cred for going in to buy them), but I am also involved in a deep and real relationship with "Bubby", a.k.a. Barney.

What are the benefits of this 'Bubby' relationship?

My daughter has learnt to sing the alphabet, say things like "A is for Apple", kisses a lot more, sings and does the actions for the "Ducky" song (quack quack quack the duckies dooo), all of which is flipping cute and, above all things, she's happy. She loves him. Oh and I’ll admit, I love him. I even love the way he's teaching her that transgender dinosaurs can be happy little beings too.

I think Barney’s an awesome role model. Because of him, she does not fight about seatbelts. She demands them on straight away. Anything with a seatbelt or harness and it must be strapped up. What a joy.

And me?

I get five minutes to wash the dishes or actually shower. And, the biggest joy of all, I have a never ending stream of kiddie friendly songs stuck in my head to hum and annoy my work colleagues with.

Barney, I never thought I'd say this, but dude, I really do love you too.

Never knowing

By Loretta D.

Being a parent is about never knowing when you are doing the right thing. When giving advice, you really don’t know that it’s the right advice. We make decisions, but there are no guarantees that they are the right decisions. All we can say, is that at that moment, we give the advice that we think is right - at that moment. Only time will let you know if you passed on the correct advice. We do the best we can. We are not perfect. We work hard at it... and we will be blamed for many things later on (when our children are in therapy about their hang-ups).

To my children and their future offspring, remember there is no school for us parents. There are guidelines only and even those are blurry at best. Whatever we do, say, preach or teach as parents, we do with love, unconditional love.

.
Loretta is super mom to two teenagers and two young adults!

Vegan Yumminess!

Submitted by Michelle Verwey

Source: Fields of Flavour by Sarina Jacobson

Roasted Masala Butternut Rings
1 large butternut, sliced into rings (do not peel)
15ml peanut oil
3 cloves garlic, crushed
60ml fresh coriander, finely chopped
A sprinkle of Maldon salt
2ml fructose
A pinch of ground leaf masala
A pinch of ground garam masala
Fresh coriander leaves to garnish

Preheat the oven to 180˚C. Mix all the ingredients in a mixing bowl, making sure that the butternut is thoroughly coated with the oil and spices.
Place the butternut rings on a baking tray and roast until the butternut has turned golden and crispy. Turn the rings over halfway through roasting.
Arrange the butternut rings on a platter and garnish with fresh coriander leaves. Serve hot. (Serves four as a side dish) .

Do leave a comment if you enjoyed this recipe! It will look something like this...

Watch Out J-Lo, I’m coming for the Alimony

By Cath Jenkin

So, you’re nearly two now. It seems to have gone far too fast.

Not so long ago, I thought, I was worrying myself stupid about stimulating you within the womb. I had headphones on my belly as often as I could – playing classical and “cultured” music. Workmates of mine were convinced I was mentally challenged. And then I started you on some of my favourites. Being a bit of a hard rocker mommy, you were lulled by the Deftones, Alanis Morissette and a plethora of other, good, all round important life music.

So, then you arrived, to the tune of “New Born” by Muse, played by a DJ at mommy’s favourite haunt, and your godmother Anne played “Minerva” by the Deftones from the moment she knew I was in labour.

And then you grew. And grew. And we played those favourites again. Some of the classical, some nursery rhymes, some of that hard rocking stuff and much to my chagrin, some of your dad’s house music but, also some of his lounge music.

How utterly horrifying then that, at six months, you went crazy over the moon for…

BEYONCE.

The epitome of so much that I cannot stand. Jiggling booty, false hair, grammatically shitty lyrics. You loved it all. You went mad every time Destiny’s Child came on the radio, television, passing car’s sound system.

It was horrible.

And then, you were one. ONE YEAR OLD. One.

And we were paging through a magazine together and you saw a picture of Jennifer Lopez and pointed and excitedly said…

MAMA.

Now, whilst J-Lo may be a beautiful woman, she stands, again for all the things I loathe – she wears fur; she does the bum-shaking thing. She groans instead of sings and again, has grammatically shitty lyrics. And now you think I’m like her, or she’s mama.

Well, baby, if J-Lo’s your mama, I’m gonna be asking her for a cheque soon. And I'll probably use that money to buy more CDs and try, so very hard, to get that R'nB booty shaking stuff out of your head.

Creating awareness of abuse against children...

By Fayrooz Bailey

Two young South African children were brutally robbed of their lives over the past two weeks - seven-year-old Sheldean Human from Pretoria, and 11-year-old Annasetacia Wiese from Cape Town. It seems little has changed since this column - a rallying call to arms in the fight against violence against children - first appeared on http://www.iafrica.com/ and this week… That shouldn't have been. Nothing to be proud about...

Fri, 23 Sep 2005

Outrage should permeate the collective consciousness. Activism, which died a sad death with the advent of democracy and shiny shopping malls, should be resurrected. We should be planning a Million Parents' March; form a human chain that would span the country; launch a paedophile public registry. My god, anything will do. As long as we do SOMETHING. Because frankly I'm tired of this culture of "if it doesn't affect me I can't be bothered…"

Because even though it appears to be merely statistics, headlines speak volumes, as do conversations one cannot help but eavesdrop on while on the train, in the taxi or in the bus, by people who live in communities affected by this abhorrent scourge – violence against children. The week started on a grim note with news that the body of 10-year-old Benoni girl, Marissa Naidoo, had been found on Sunday, stuffed in a suitcase. Marissa had been abducted from her school the week before. When police swooped on the flat of her alleged kidnapper, he fled, leaping to his death over a balcony. Marissa was buried on Wednesday.

Later on Monday, also disappearing from her school, was eight-year-old Cape Town girl Veronique Solomons. The last time she was reportedly seen was around lunchtime on the back of a stranger's bicycle. Nearly a week later, and there's still no sign of Veronique. Let our hope that she will be found safe and sound remain as strong as her parents'… …

And for the parents of a two-year-old boy who was allegedly abducted in Athlone, Cape Town on Saturday. For the family of three-year-old Juwaida Joseph from Delft in Cape Town, however, all hope has died. The toddler apparently disappeared between 2 and 4pm on Wednesday while playing outside her home. Police found her body in a field three kilometres from her house.

Seven-year-old Ntswaki Sonica Moloi from Bethlehem met an untimely and tragic death too this week. Her half-naked body was found in the casing of a sports stadium floodlight on Sunday night. A 27-year-old man, a neighbour, had been arrested. The possibility of rape will be investigated.

The SA Police Service's annual report this week stated that children were the victims in 40.8 percent of rape cases reported during 2004/05. "It is clear that especially in relation to sexually motivated violence, women and children (who together account of 100 percent of rape victims) are indeed extremely vulnerable," said the report. Despite this, and the fact that rape had increased by four percent over the two financial years and indecent assault by eight percent, Safety and Security Minister Charles Nqakula, upon releasing the report in Pretoria on Wednesday, said: "The future to me looks very rosy in terms of the fight against crime and criminality in South Africa." Later on he admonished South Africans for bad-mouthing their country overseas and giving it the image of a crime-ridden nation. I think the message is being spread regardless of bad mouthing.

In court this week, was Dina Rodriguez, accused of plotting the murder of six-month-old baby Jordan Leigh Norton. One newspaper showed a cheerful looking Rodriguez outside the court, where her bail was being challenged after she allegedly violated its conditions. There was something macabre about that smile.

Also in court this week was a 32-year-old East London businessman, who has been charged with possessing pornographic photographs of five-year-old girls. The pictures were found on a digital camera.

I come from Mitchell's Plain, a community that had witnessed the pain and suffering of many a parent who had lost a child to violence at the hands of someone else. Like Matthew Ohlson and Rafiek Hardien – whose family I personally know. Ohlson (9) disappeared in 1997; he has yet to be found. His parents Michael and Michelle Ohlson have established the organisation, Concerned Parents for Missing Children, to help track down other missing children.

Five-year-old Hardien went missing from the road on which he lives in August last year. His body was found in Mitchell's Plain two weeks later. He had been murdered. In the case of crime and violence against children, statistics are not merely numbers. Are we allowing these crimes to happen? By becoming the docile, preoccupied society that we have; by our silence; by failing to acknowledge that we share a collective responsibility in keeping children safe; by not reclaiming our streets? We are. And there's nothing Proudly South African about that. .

Fayrooz Bailey was recently awarded a White Ribbon Award from Women Demand Dignity for her 2005 column 'Nothing to be proud about...' She is news editor for iafrica.com and mother to two delightful cherubs.

Express Yourself!

By Stasha Jordan

Motherhood is a joyfully trying time. Excitement and anxiety collide and the rest as they say, is emotional history that our devoted husbands survive. Pregnancy carries the blessing/burden of life; expectations are many as are disappointments.

Words of wisdom (from a friend over coffee): “Pregnancy is a state of anxiety”.

Some of us mommies have joyfully brought to light, and sometimes sadly lost, children. I remain one of the very lucky ones: top medical aid; gynie (gynecologist) to the stars; the most bohemian midwife to follow my spectacular, completely natural water birth, at an equally spectacular birthing clinic.

This does not apply to the vast majority of South African women. Imagine all the joy and anxiety of expectant motherhood eclipsed with the premature birth of a 600 gram baby, clinging to life while you are informed that your HIV status is positive, you are weak, in a state clinic where funding is limited, have suffered severe abdominal trauma and are struggling to lactate, or are not allowed to stay at the hospital while your pride and joy is in NNICU. If you are unable to supply your own breastmilk, regardless of whether it is abundant and pasteurized, your little one will be given formula with a high risk of contracting Necrotising Enter Colitis and dying. If only you had medical aid or a private clinic? If only…

The South African Breastmilk Reserve was born with Logan, my little dude, with the vision of supporting women in motherhood and infants, through donations of pasteurized breastmilk. Bringing donor moms like myself, with privileged access to quality medical care and family support, closer to those mommies born to less fortunate circumstances, to share in the joys and tribulations of motherhood.

SABR today, runs two breastfeeding promotion programs, the human milk bank project of Gauteng and the Feed for Life Initiative. ‘Feed For Life’ endeavours to offer mothers living in poverty and with HIV/AIDS, through the home pasteurisation of breastmilk, a second alternative to formula feeding. The project aims to empower women living in poverty and with HIV/AIDS through educated infant feeding choices, giving them access to information and support. Both programs are still in their infancy and are looking for your support.

So, express yourself! Yes… literally, and donate your excess breastmilk. Children affected or infected by HIV/AIDS are usually nutritionally vulnerable; providing them with breastmilk, which is nutritionally and immunologically superior to any other substitute, is central to their well- being. Whether a child cannot obtain breastmilk directly from its mother because she is ill, or the baby is premature, makes no difference. A newborn deserves the best possible nutrition as there is indisputable and documented evidence that breastmilk is superior nutrition for babies.

You can express your support in many other ways too - do have a look at the South African Breastmilk Reserve's website - www.sabr.org.za - for more information.


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In the news: Mother’s Milk Shipped To South Africa To Feed Starving Orphans (ABC News)

Trivia: “The first picture of [a breast pump]... appeared in Italy in 1577. Breast milk banking first started in Boston [US] in 1910.″ -Ted Greiner, History of Breastfeeding

Of interest: MomSquawk article dealing with the topic of donor breastmilk.