The rise and rise of the Purple Dinosaur

By Cath Jenkin

I was steadfast in my belief that MY child would not fall prey to the tentacles of him.

I happily exposed her to the "good" stuff – Noddy and Winnie the Pooh. The very expensive but actually cute Baby Einstein. Even went as far as those annoying songs-get-stuck-in-your-head-sing-along-DVDs. I got her into programmes on early morning weekend television. Kool Kats - that rocked her world.

So I successfully avoided him - he of the clapping happy purple dinosaur.

And then, she started a new school. And my sister-in-law messages me in hysterics, because when she picked her daughter up one sunny day, all the children were sat in a neat little row - immersed in a DVD. And my daughter would not be moved.

It was him - BARNEY.

I thought, it's okay. She'll get her fill of him at school; It's okay, it's educational. And then she got sick. And I got desperate. So fate dealt me a swift one.

At our local DVD hire store, they were selling off old stock. Cheap. And there was...yep, you guessed it, cut price Barney DVDs. So, I bought one. Thinking, it can't hurt and it'll distract her.

Let me give you a few of my thoughts on Barney's "What's In A Name?" episode:

1. Every child looks stoned. Stoned, stoned, stoned. I don't know what drugs they feed them but no one could ever get THAT happy over foam alphabet blocks.

2. The child learning to spell her name, Linda. She is the exact model for the Children of the Corn. Yes, that horror movie we all watched as giggling teenagers. EXACT.MODEL.

3. The way Barney pops out of nowhere frightens even me. Hell knows what it does to small children - even if they do use sparkly-bubble-effect to make it look pretty.

4. That song - “I love you, You love me, We're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too?” - makes me want to grab the nearest weapon and launch it in the general direction of the television.

And yet, Barney has redeemed himself.

Despite my concerns and annoyance, I have never before seen my child so flipping mesmerised. Entirely absorbed. Learning so much. Soaking up all that purple power.

And so, I am now not only the owner of three more incredibly irritating but lifesaving Barney DVDs (thank you Uncle Garry, who ruined his street cred for going in to buy them), but I am also involved in a deep and real relationship with "Bubby", a.k.a. Barney.

What are the benefits of this 'Bubby' relationship?

My daughter has learnt to sing the alphabet, say things like "A is for Apple", kisses a lot more, sings and does the actions for the "Ducky" song (quack quack quack the duckies dooo), all of which is flipping cute and, above all things, she's happy. She loves him. Oh and I’ll admit, I love him. I even love the way he's teaching her that transgender dinosaurs can be happy little beings too.

I think Barney’s an awesome role model. Because of him, she does not fight about seatbelts. She demands them on straight away. Anything with a seatbelt or harness and it must be strapped up. What a joy.

And me?

I get five minutes to wash the dishes or actually shower. And, the biggest joy of all, I have a never ending stream of kiddie friendly songs stuck in my head to hum and annoy my work colleagues with.

Barney, I never thought I'd say this, but dude, I really do love you too.